I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
