you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
