Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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