Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
