my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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