used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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