Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize