Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
