I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
