I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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