my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
