apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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