Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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