So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He passed out mid-signature
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
