i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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