Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
