This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
