We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
