Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
