Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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