So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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