I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
