Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
