During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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