I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
