i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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