i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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