Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
