Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
