hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
