come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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