my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
