Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
