I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
