Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
