i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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