Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
