even my farts smell like vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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