Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
