Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i've created a new STD.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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