Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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