My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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