I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
