im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
