Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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