Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Boobs speak an international language.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
