Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Im part way to drunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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