He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
