Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
