When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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