Porn is love you can see.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
