Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
