We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
