I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
