the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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