dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
