I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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