You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
