yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
