I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
