uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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