Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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