I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
