You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He better not be in your backpack
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pants are for mortals
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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