Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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