just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
