so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
