I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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