Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
