I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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