just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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