so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
