okay pat passed out under dana's car
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
