Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Buhtt sex?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
